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Is internet music real?

No glaive, please

Tom M. Scanlon

Aug 22, 2021

HARK!

I hear … fakers …

If a band forms on the internet and nobody hears it … does it make a sound?

Fortunately, HARK Valley is filled with places where bands and lone singers can get up in front of a crowd (however small) and see how actual people respond to their music.

A great resource is AZ Open Mics and Jams

(see the end of this post for a partial list)

But will the next generation of musicians have any interest in getting up in front of a live audience?

When I was talking to (caution: name drop ahead) the great Alice Cooper the other day, the HARK Valley living legend who started playing live shows around Phoenix at 16 and hasn’t stopped for 50-some years, he gave a rueful chuckle

“Because of the pandemic, there’s this new thing: ‘Covid band.’ That’s a band that got together during covid but never played in front of an audience,” the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame member said.

I told him about a New Yorker article I recently read, about some YouTubers who were raking in the bucks - without ever performing live.

“Wow, what a weird thing,” he marvelled. “When we got the original Alicie Cooper band together, we played together every night - we were always playing in front of an audience, didn’t matter how big…”

Not so much, these days.

Whether it’s the pandemic or advanced technology or (likely) a mashup of the two, in the last year-plus quite a phenomenon has developed: no-crowd music.

When I read a New Yorker article about hyperpop, aka glicthpop, aka WTFpop (my term), I was simultaneously excited and ashamed.

Why didn't I know about this?

Answer, I came to realize: because I'm not 15 years old.

I raced to YouTube to do some research on glaive and other lowercase artists referenced by the gushing New Yorker writer.

"Sounds like Justin Timberlake on crack," my wife snarked, nailing it.

Ya, very effects driven, with those high pitched robo voices over catchy beats

I generously picture it as -- like those conspiracy theorists who insist alien movies are "getting us ready" for the real thing, paging "Coast to Coast Radio" -- a bridge between human artists and the androids poised to take over music.

If so, I'm waiting for the robots; they'll probably express emotions better than the glitchers.

True, lots of it sounds ...high schools.

About as mature as cafeteria times.

But maybe glaive -- who, new Yorker tells me, is raking in the bucks without having ever done a live show, which I'm sure makes the average hard working (aka hard drinking) HARK Valley bar band throw up on the front row -- will ultimately blossom, a la Timberlands (not a fan) or some of the other boy banders who grew up to be decently legit.

https://www.instagram.com/1glaive/ (“I’m 16 stop asking”)

(Wikipedia note: “A glaive is a European polearm, consisting of a single-edged blade on the end of a pole.”)

Places around HARK Valley to get your jam on (or just sit, drink, listen, repeat), from recent posts on AZ Open Mics:

Acoustic Open Mic @ Jersey D's Tavern & Grill (5945 W. Ray Rd, #13, Chandler) on the first and third Tuesdays of the month, from 6:00 to 9:00pm, hosted by Kevin Crum

Electric Blues Jam @ Pho Cao (7436 E. McDowell Rd, Scottsdale) every Tuesday from 6:00pm to 10:00pm, hosted by Hooter, with Gypsy and the band.

Wednesday Open Mic/ Jam. 7-11 pm. Sign-ups 6:30. Host Johnny Miller.

This is a great venue. Backline provided.

Bring your Mic, Instrument, Sticks, or Band.

Coops Bar & Grill.

8455 W Peoria.

every Wednesday at Cheezheadz in Peoria from 5:30 to 7:30 please! Acoustic open mic.

2nd & 4th Tuesdays: Open Mic at La Ristra New Mexican Kitchen in Gilbert. 6 to 9pm. T

Tuesday Open Mic 6-9 PM at Taradiddles Restaurant & Bar - at 285 N Apache Trail , Apache Junction , AZ.

Host: Country Music Hall of Famer, David Grimes.

Monday Open Mic Signups 7 pmThe 44 in Glendale 4494 W Peoria Ave

Glendale, AZ 85302

Tuesday Open Mic. 9 PM- ?? Variety: spoken word, comedy, musicians. 15-20 min set.

Host DJ Riggs

Priceless Primetime

3016 N Dobson Rd #6

Chandler, AZ 85224

THURS OPEN MIC 5:30-9 PM.

Sip Coffee and Beer

3620 E Indian School Rd

Phoenix, AZ 85018

Host: Russell Koenigs

TUESDAY JAMS (Genre varies: Jazz, Blues, Pop...). 7-10 or 11 PM.

Cock N Tails - see events calendar on website.

Sometimes they're jazz.... genre depends on host. More often jazz than not, but next week (June 15) is Brian Chartrand and June 29th it's blues.

Cock N Tails

6101 N 7th St

Scottsdale, AZ 85257

Cockntails.com

NEW WEDNESDAY OPEN MIC. 6-9 PM - Host: Jeordie

Starts Weds June 30th, then weekly!

@ The Preserve Tavern

15745 N Hayden Rd

Scottsdale, AZ

Come out for the beginning evening🎵🎤🎵1/2 off Bottles of Wine & a great little stage.

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